


Letters to sammy

by goldensea



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Dead Sam Winchester, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Grieving Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25526020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldensea/pseuds/goldensea
Summary: Dean misses his little brother its been 3 years, and he misses talking with said brother, and every time he visits his grave words got stuck in his throat stubbornly refusing to be out, because if he let them out it would be final, he knows it doesn't make sense but somehow he thinks that sam will pop up from some corner with his bright smile and big dimples. So he leaves unsent letters every time he visits sammy.
Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Kudos: 3





	1. To sammy

Dear sam

I don't know what to tell you little brother, I don't even know what to do, nor what I'm i supposed to feel....

It hurts for you not to be around, its a deep throbbing ache where my heart once used to be.  
A hollow where once you used to sit between my lungs,ican't breath right anymore,i can't....

I want the world to stop moving, for the time to stop ticking, i want the sun to stop shining, i want the moon to cry my tears, i want the sky to thunder and storm, for the days to go gloomy and dark, i want the universe to feel your loss, to grief with me, to acknowledge the amazing bright person you used to be....  
It is unfair how everybody gets to go on with their lives, it's unfair sammy. 

I can't look at college kids anymore cause what about your happy ending!?  
I can't eat your favorite candy anymore, not when your not here to enjoy it as well.  
I can't ride the impala anymore.... Yeah sammy i put baby in the corner for you. 

But ican promise you i ll always look after jess and the kids for you.  
I promise you that I will always keep fighting!


	2. My kid

Dear sammy

I tried calling you.... again..... , i just miss you so dam much that i grab the phone and dial your number....

It's not a habit sammy, it's a Primal need to hear your voice, to see you just one more time.

Without you here life is no longer bright! The colors just withered and Faded! Food became tasteless!  
And seeing tall fellow with long hair is a stab in the heart, i sometimes can barely hold my tears, because for a stupid little moment there i think your here and chilling with friends and life has been kind to you, but no it's not you sammy.... And it hits me hard every time.

You know no matter how tall you've become, no matter how much you loomed above me, no matter how strong and brave you've become, you were always my kid brother, my baby brother with red chubby cheeks, bright five year old smile.... That's how I've always seen you..... I never really thought about it but i kinda raised you... And you are and will ever be my kid.   
It's not natural to bury your kid, it never is! I'm supposed to watch you grow bald and chugging Viagra, I'm supposed to go first!.... 

All the" what if"s and "what could've been" s are slowly killing me, drowning me in guilt.   
What hurts the most is that i wasn't there with you, I don't know what your last thoughts, was it painful? Was it peaceful?   
But i do know your in a better place now. 

So tell me is it selfish of me to want you here??...


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To my first bookmarker this is for you.  
> Enjoy!

I told you not to go where i can't follow little brother....  
I told you not to play with fire.....  
It burned you down, it took me to my knees....  
I told you to trust me, to follow my lead....  
I told you all is fine, just belive in me....  
As long as I'm around nothing bad is going to happen to you  
That's what i promised .....  
I failed at that, didn't i sammy?  
I failed at being your big brother and for that I'm sorry

What a lousy brother i am!  
couldn't tell your signs...  
Couldn't save you in time...  
What a brother i am...  
Left you in the dark...  
for your demons to bark...  
Angry words and hatfull colors...  
Mark your soul heavy with despair....  
Left you all alone........  
sinking like a stone......  
I should have known....... 

After all big brothers know best

**Author's Note:**

> to every one out there please keep fighting, no matter what you think YOU ARE ALWAYS ENOUGH


End file.
